An Alarming Lack of Scissors
by Asianxsalsa
Summary: Shintaro finds deeper meaning in life and learns to value the powers of frien-pfffffff couldn't even finish typing that. Everyone moves into Shintaro's house. What could go wrong? Everything. Google is screwing with me, so the pic is random.


**Hello there. The author of this story has left the building in order to escape his parents wrath when theyfind out he spent an hour writing bad fanfiction instead of doing homework. However, we our sorry to saythat the auction for his room has already begun, so ha. How do you like that assh- kind and compassionate reader. Seriously though, my parents are monsters when I'm screwing around**. **My first fanfiction. Please don't eat me.**

1 week.

9 days if you wanted to be specific, but I couldn't care less. It felt like years to him. He only wanted a world where he was invisible. Was that so much to ask? But no. I just had to spill soda on my computer and save the world. And yeah, saving the world was pretty cool. But when you find out that your gang's base had been set on fire because Marry and Hibiya wanted to make a grilled cheese, then you just know that the world must be fucking with you. Which I could respect. I was a master troll when I used to be social. But seriously, who even uses all of the burners on a stove to make a grilled cheese, anyway? And leaves all of them on light? I felt sorry for them, but figured they would just move into Marry's house. Besides, I had to go update my Facebook status. But then Momo had to open her big, fat mouth and say,

"I know! We can live at onii-san's house!"

Before I could even say, 'totally nube fanfiction writer haha lol', everyone was throwing their belongings into convenient suit cases kindly (read; mercilessly) distributed by The Rod Cress foundation. And here I was led to believe that they saved lives.

The walk to his house was even worse. Momo was trying to get Hibiya to wear pigtails. Marry was talking about yaoi to no one in particular, which probably meant that Kido was hiding. Seto was trying to explain to Konoha what love was and why it was okay to have intercourse with a 200 year old loli, to which Konoha responded with a **'lolwut'** look on his face. And of course, I had to be stuck between the two most terrifying people in the group, who were calmly discussing what kind of poetry fit this season of winter.

…..Did I fool you

The conversation actually went a little more like this.

"I'm telling you, my Master is an ass man, Kano!"

"Impossible! Have you seen the way he checked out his sister! Ene, he's super obvious, taking peeks when he thinks no one's watching. He's in it for the tit's."

" He checked out Momo-chan? No way. He doesn't have any balls"

"2000 yen he has a sister fetish."

" I'll take you up on that. Won't be surprised if I lose though. Having a sister fetish is pretty low, but you can't spell Shintaro without 'shit'."

I didn't care. Unfortunately for both of them, I didn't own porn. I could see both of them watching me, searching for any reaction that would give away who I supported in this titular discussion of assets and "onii-sans". Honestly, they were such kids someti-

"Maybe he's gay!"

"Come on! Shintaro, your not gay right?"

I felt everyone's attention fall on me as I face planted the sidewalk. A strong wind blew past, increasing the awkwardness. Scrambling back up to my feet, I lunged for Takane and smacked her in the head. I looked around to see everyone's eyes widening. Thrown off balance by the situation, I managed to sputter"W-what? C-c-c'mon, you guys know me better than that, right? I-I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, but I'm not like that! Really!"

Everyone blinked. Then they looked at each other. Then at me. Back to each other. Finally, Kido sagely nodded and everyone started walking again. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hey Hibiya, what does 'gay' mean?"

"Even I know that, Konoha. It's another way to say Shintaro."

I reminded myself to get that boy a toy truck for Christmas.

**The author would like to state that, although he is an ignorant freshman boy who happens to offend girls by smiling, and is ignorant, he does not support child abuse in any physical, verbal, or poetic form. He does, however, find it occasionally hilarious. Hibiya x truck-san for life.**


End file.
